GM 2nd gen U-vans have... fuck all to stop an impact on the rear corner.

"RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht" (ramblininexile)
06/08/2016 at 13:48 • Filed to: None

As you can see here, there is only foam outside the unibody in the lower corners. The bumper beam is the width of the hatch, no more. Combined with the flimsy box there (location of cabin vent, hollow), a direct hit at anything over 1mph will distort the entire area and push the body into the rear wheels.

This is likely moot, because almost no 2nd gen U-vans have not melted down. Still, ask me and this hammer how I happen to know this.

DISCUSSION (14)

shop-teacher > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
06/08/2016 at 14:12

Hatefull aweful vehicles they are.

Rust and Dust - Oppositelock Forever > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
06/08/2016 at 14:15

Darn near everything on the road, now and for years past, has a dead area outside of both front and rear bumper reinforcements where unibody is exposed. Another fun fact, with the huge discrepancy in ride height of US domestic vehicles, some reinforcements line up quite nicely with the upper tie bar/aprons of other vehicles. As an example, a Miata front reinforcement is about level with the differential on a full sized 4wd pickup, while the pickup’s rear bumper (and god forbid a Reese hitch) will usually peel back the hood and upper structure to a horrifying extent.

Future next gen S2000 owner > Rust and Dust - Oppositelock Forever
06/08/2016 at 14:22

I don’t see any issue with this layout.......

Kinja'd!!!

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Rust and Dust - Oppositelock Forever
06/08/2016 at 14:22

I peeled the hood on a W123 Benz diving under a Chevy.. Cobalt, I think. No visible damage to Chevy. Myth confirmed.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > shop-teacher
06/08/2016 at 14:27

My associate (i.e. the guy I was trying to help with said hammer) backed into a post at the bank. Not very quickly a all, but it didn’t matter. A twist in the bodywork going all the way up to the back window, so now that window isn’t going to seal. This after it had a head gasket job a while back, had years of funk steam cleaned out of its carpets, had three additional coolant leaks dealt with, things coming loose under the hood fixed, a wheel bearing done(?), and a motor mount - finally, we had the most silk-purse-out-of-sow’s-ear Pontiac Montana ever, and *crunch*. Well, poop.

We did pull/hammer out about 1 1/2" of the total 2 3/4" or so that it was boo-booed, making it safe to drive.

shop-teacher > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
06/08/2016 at 14:33

The last school district had a fleet of 10 year old Chevy Ventures, that had relieved zero maintenance. Every summer I had to take 3-4 students by myself on a 1200 mile round trip to a competition in Kansas City. Miserable drives those were.

Rust and Dust - Oppositelock Forever > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
06/08/2016 at 14:35

That’ll happen often during “emergency stops”. Vehicle A jumps on brake pedal, vehicle pitches forward, lowering front end and raising rear. Vehicle B then jumps on brakes a split second later, lowering front end, raising rear, but the now lower front end of vehicle B tucks nicely beneath the rear end of vehicle A. Willing to bet if the Cobalt owner had popped the trunk, the spare tire “well” wasn’t as deep as it had been prior to the nose of your Benz being tucked under it.

Just had a total loss Altima towed off my lot from exactly this. Altima nose-dived in an emergency stop, front reinforcement tucked under rear reinforcement of other vehicle, and the Altima’s exhaust manifold was the first thing of any substance to stop movement (yay plastic core supports).

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Rust and Dust - Oppositelock Forever
06/08/2016 at 14:40

Pretty much exactly correct except that the engagement wasn’t beyond Chevy-bumper-deep. Just enough to tweak the hood into the radiator gently. Guy in the Chevy was panic-stopping because the bozo in front was panic-stopping, and he actually gave the guy in front a gentle poke in the process. Who then ran off leaving the two of us. No ABS in the W123, in the rain, marginal tires... SHWOOSH.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > shop-teacher
06/08/2016 at 14:43

This one even with most issues dealt with still has ABS malfunction and a bunch of other Christmas tree going on on the dash. None deemed noteworthy at this time, after scan.

The Stig's former college room mate > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
06/08/2016 at 15:23

this is more the rule than the exception. most bumper reinforcements stop well short of the corners, leaving the bottom of the quarter panel vulnerable to an impact. it typically extends only a few inches past the rails on either side. I actually can’t think of any vehicles off the top of my head where the reinforcement is the full width of the vehicle.

But U-vans do suck.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > The Stig's former college room mate
06/08/2016 at 16:05

It’s funny, back when I was a car-loving youth of much less discretion, I kept seeing ads for all the major vans and tried to develop a hierarchy of GC, Windstar, U-van, etc. and on paper it *seemed* like the U-vans might be best(out of that august company, anyway). I never could get myself to like them, though. Totally justified in hindsight.

And no, I can’t really fault them for having minimal structure in there, but come on, guys. It’s not like the bumper skin extends nearly a foot past support. It’s not like there’s just a void there with massive amounts of plastic. A legitimate concern the bumper wouldn’t do much I might have bought, but the crash ratings were garbage.

The Stig's former college room mate > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
06/08/2016 at 16:43

Astrovan will always be the best minivan because rwd/awd plus 4.3L v6 equals easy v8 swap.

second place goes to Previa because mid engine/supercharged

third place, late 80's Caravan because 2.2 turbo and 5 speed manual

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > The Stig's former college room mate
06/08/2016 at 16:53

I would contend that Aerostar also has worthiness (maybe #4), because the mostly Ranger base makes for many of the same advantages as the Astro/Safari. Yes, it looks absurd and is dated. Yes, contemporary Ranger driving bits have some issues. That being said, it’s at least as easy to put straight axles under front and rear and go nuts as the Astro.

The Stig's former college room mate > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
06/08/2016 at 17:29

if they weren’t unibody, i’d put it in a tie with the Astro. 4th sounds good, though